Scare Champions of Breakfast Time
by queenoftits
Summary: Jake makes an omelette the morning after a house party, and Marceline shows up for breakfast.  Their competative spirits take over, and breakfast turns into a contest. Who's got the scarier powers?  And Beemo is also there.


Breakfast Time With Jake

or Scare Champions

After a party in the land of Ooo, Jake rolled out of his drawer and flopped on the floor. His stomach rumbled, grew little feet, and carried him past the pile of soggy gray peppers, down the ladder riddled with diet coke cans, through the room with stacks of video tapes, into the kitchen, and smacked his head against the fridge.

"Oooooohrm," he groaned as he gathered an armful of fridge-stuffs as his eyes slowly opened. "Hungry. So hungry!" He dropped the spoils of his raid onto the kitchen table and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Beemo waved happily at him from behind a cup of coffee nearly as big as his body.

"Good morning, Jake!"

"Mornin', Beemo." Jake looked down at the table where a jar of mayonnaise and some maple syrup had tipped into a couple broken eggs. Half a watermelon was starting to slide off the table. Jake stretched up a hand and snatched a frying pan from the top of the shelves, snapping it down to catch most of the eggs before they hit the floor. He smashed a couple more eggs into the pan and haphazardly picked out the shells.

"Beemo, I'm makin' an omelette. Do you want an omelette?"

"No thank you!" he chirped, and synthesized slurping sounds while leaning over the coffee.

"Yeah, okay." Jake lit the stove and opened a couple cabinets. "Gotta find something to put in this omelette." More doors flew open, and one flew backwards into the otherside of the cabinet, shaking loose a little sleeping black bat. The bat fell down from where it hung on the door, hit the stove, and landed in a little patch of sunlight that shown down from the window. The bat hissed and scuttled back into the shadows, growing legs and arms and long black hair.

"Oh, my head!" moaned Marceline. "What time is it? I've gotta get home!"

Jake looked from the vampire queen up to the window where the sun shown through, and over to the novelty watch that hung on the kitchen wall. It read "party time." The watch always read party time.

"Eleven thirty-eight!" said Beemo.

"I thought vampires aren't supposed to be awake in the day." said Jake.

"I was asleep until you had to mess it up! Now I'm awake, and I'm not even home! Who's going to feed my dog?" Marceline held her arms over her head, glaring down at Jake from where she floated halfway to the ceiling.

"What's this about a dog you own?" asked Jake. His eyes narrowed. Beemo crossed his arms, aping Jake's stern expression.

"Ugh!" groaned Marceline. She pushed her bangs back from her eyes and floated closer to the floor. "Well, he's like, not a 'dog' dog, he's a zombie dog. And okay maybe he doesn't eat, but sometimes I'll feed him marshmallows and what if he's lonely?" Marceline pursed her lips together and shoved her hands into the pockets of her sweater. Her feet touched the floor, and she slunk around the patch of sun to sink onto the bench at the kitchen table. "Okay Schwabl's probably fine. What's for breakfast?"

"Coffee!" said Beemo.

"Jake's famous mystery omelettes!" said Jake. He flipped the egg concoction over, and showed off the slimy, shell-ridden mess to Marceline.

"Hmmm. Got anymore of those peppers from last night?"

Jake shook his head. "Only the green ones."

"Blech." She stuck out her tongue. "Anything red in the fridge? I'm starving." She leaned over the table to inspect the eggy watermelon, and fixated on Beemo's shiny red button. Beemo yelped and hugged his arms over the button. "Don't worry, baby. I don't steal from friends."

Jake was going through the fridge, without much success. "We've got... some whites, lota yellows, three greens, and about a handful of that color you get when you mix everything in the fridge together. And some blueberries."

"Ooo! Can I have those?" asked Marceline. "Blueberries actually have some red in them, and when you take it out you get this really pretty blue gray that looks like angry clouds."

Jake tossed the bowl of blueberries to her and she caught it just above her head. Her right hand grew into a long bony claw and mashed the blueberries into a pulpy mess, then she sucked all the red from the juice. Her hands back to normal, she presented the bowl to Beemo and Jake. "Told you guys. Angry clouds."

Jake scoffed as he tipped his mystery omelette into a bowl and took a massive bite. "I've seen angrier clouds on a sunny day!"

Marceline dropped the bowl onto the table. "Yeah, speaking of... Care to cover the windows? It's giving me a headache."

"Hmph!" Jake reached up and drew the curtains.

"Oh, right Jake, like you could really do any angrier."

Jake grew three times his size and squared off his shoulders to match the refrigerator. "I could do angrier with my eyes closed. Look at these brows!" He pointed a single finger up to his brows, now so heavy they drooped over his nose. "These are seriously angry brows, sister!"

"I don't know, Jake." she said, and started to get up from the table. "I mean, I've seen angry before..." Her gray skin started to peel up in scales, her jaws widened with gigantic fangs. "and usually angrier is much more..." She pressed her face in close to his, while massive antlers curled forward from her head and encircled his face like hands. "SCARY!" She shouted.

Jake's brow shrunk back, and he looked the vampire queen in the eye. "Meh." He shrugged his shoulders and shrunk back down to take another bite of his omelette.

"What? Oh come on that was pretty good," pleaded Marceline.

"Naw. I could be way scarier than that." said Jake. "I wasn't even trying."

"You think you can be scarier than me." Marceline rested her chin in her hands. "Well let's see it, hot stuff."

"And don't you forget it!" said Jake, and he stretched out his paws into needle sharp fingers, stuck his feet up in the air, and twisted his toes into a long elk-shaped face that writhed like noodles and dripped down into the mass of his flesh, suddenly quivery like pudding. Beemo shifted the coffee cup between himself and the Jake-monster. Marceline wrinkled her nose.

"Ew. That's totally gross, Jake. Not quite scary, though."

"Not scary? Not scary! This is way scary." Jake huffed, his face in the mouth of the elk head. Marceline shrugged, then pushed her hair back, and with it her eyes. Her mouth split all the way up to her ears, revealing three inch long teeth as thin as toothpicks and a long, lizard-quick tongue that curled up where her face used to be. Her arms grew long and loose, spilling across the table and wrapping around Jake's elk-head, squeezing around it like a snake and drawing him close to her dislocated and undulating jaws. Her eyes blinked on the end of her left hand, staring him down from the end of her arm, and she opened her hand. Her normal mouth was in her palm. She smacked him on the head, giving him a kiss, and a fanged smile.

"Now this is scary," said the mouth on her hand.

"Well, it would be..." started Jake, now his normal size and shape in Marceline's writhing arms. "If..."

"If? If what?" shrieked Marceline. She tossed Jake onto the floor and grew larger and larger, filling up the kitchen. "This isn't scary?" Her shoulder hit one of the curtains, opening just enough to let a little sunlight in on her face. "Aaaaaarhg!" she screamed, and shrunk back into her normal form, clasping a hand to her cheek. "Now look what you made me do!"

Marceline flew out of the kitchen into their living room, opening every door on the way. "Where are your umbrellas?" she shouted back at Jake. "I've changed my mind, I'm going home."

Jake stretched his body into the living room, his hindquarters followed after. "They're by the door. But I was only saying that would have been the scariest thing ever if I didn't already know you."

Marceline glared at him as she made her way toward the front door. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Beemo trotted in after Jake's hindquarters, huffing and puffing. "Jake means that you are both friends. And friends don't scare their friends! Or steal from them."

Marceline blushed, and turned away before Jake could see. "Oh, yeah I guess. Thanks, Jake. But I'm still going to go. I'm pretty sure Schwabl is missing me." She opened the closet door next to the front door, and Finn's bloody corpse fell onto the floor.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Beemo clutched Jake's leg, and Marceline and Jake screamed while holding eachother. Finn laughed and got up from the floor, rubbing his shoulder. He dusted the flour from his face and wrung the ketchup out of his shirt, and pointed with both hands at Jake, Beemo and Marceline.

"I scared all o' y'all!" shouted Finn. "Woo!"

end


End file.
